Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.
~ Karl Marx
A “wonderful” interaction I endured with a man on Facebook yesterday. I (Savannah’s profile) took a chance by accepting a friend request from a profile that was denoted as male. I am typically exclusive in accepting friend requests on Facebook of those who present as trans in some way. Yesterday, I thought that maybe I was being too exclusive, realizing that people who are interested in being part of the trans community may not have an existing alter ego FB profile. I know, for myself, it can be a hassle to juggle more than one account (let alone, more than one account for Instagram, Twitter, Flickr, Snapchat, and the rest–ugh!).
HIM: [Thumb up emoji]
ME: [Thumb up emoji]
ME: Happy Thanksgiving
HIM: I hate holidays
ME: Sorry to hear that
HIM: I hate Trump is president also
ME: So holidays and current presidencies are out
HIM: I have PTSD so try being nice instead of rude
(NOTE: This is where I first mis-interpreted his statement, thinking he was talking about his own efforts to be nice instead of rude)
ME: Nice is always preferable
ME: Are you saying I was being rude? That was not my intent.
HIM: I just want to be a friend
ME: That’s fine. I was asking, though, whether you were saying I was being rude. You know the “voice” of text messaging can be lost in translation.
HIM: Not on purpose I hope
ME: Me being rude? No, I wasn’t trying to be rude.
HIM: I had to disown my family because they are [c-words]
ME: I prefer you didn’t use the c-word
HIM: LOL why so uptight
HIM: Cute doesn’t work with uptight
ME: I just asked you to refrain from using the word. I am not a fan of its use.
HIM: I’m a fan
ME: You can use it with your other friends, then. I don’t object your use with others.
HIM: I said you were cute try saying thanks
HIM: Why didn’t you
HIM: That’s rude
HIM: You should be nice
HIM: [missed a Messenger phone call from him]
HIM: Ok you waste my time since you ignore
ME: Sorry was on the phone with my parents
HIM: No excuse
ME: wishing me a happy holiday
ME: I am going to block you now. Have a great day.
HIM: [F-word] off waste of time fool
The above conversation is a very tame version of one of hundreds of IMs that many crossdressing and transgender individuals deal with on a daily basis (or, at least, every time we try to expand our friends outside the established LGBTQ+ community). Even today, I am dealing with a second new male Facebook friend who started his conversation telling me “You are very beautiful” and “Do you like men?” after I already had answered his question about whether I was single or not (I had answered, “I am NOT”). In this second conversation, the person on the other side seemingly expressed his interest in crossdressing for himself. For trying to help him in his own trans journey, I am happy to be of assistance and give details of myself. What I will not do, however, is answer questions like, “Do you wear g-strings” or “Do you have sex with your girlfriend”. Those are questions that require a much more trusting relationship than one based on fifteen responses into a Messenger chat.
As someone who is trying to be of assistance to others in the LGBTQ+ community, I am always willing to interact with anyone who is in need of support, guidance, someone who needs to have someone to listen to them, and would like someone to offer them advice. My girlfriend always shakes her head at me when I share a conversation like the one above, asking me why I let the conversation go on for so long. I guess you could say that I am too naïve to think that people are just out to objectify the women in the trans-community, trying to stay positive and accepting of peoples beliefs and opinions until it gets to the point where it finally becomes obvious that their intentions are not about learning and getting to know me as a person, but simply to treat me like an electronic piece of meat for their pleasure.
Remember that second guy I said I was chatting with? As I am writing this article, he decided that it would be appropriate to send me a pic of a model wearing skintight white-and-black checkered zip-up booty shorts and convey, “I would love to see you in one of those”. Sigh. The remainder of our conversation went as follows.
HIM: I would love to see you in one of those
ME: Okay. I asked you to stop speaking to me in sexual overtones. If you don’t stop, I will stop speaking to you. Sending me pics of what you want to see me in is a perfect example of what I am talking about.
HIM: Ok I am sorry
HIM: I didn’t mean to
ME: Yes you did… You ask if I wear g-strings, ask if I make love to my girlfriend, show me pics that you want to see me in… do you think I am too naïve to not realize what you are trying to do… or do you think I am a slutty bimbo airhead.
I haven’t seen a response come back in over thirty minutes. Maybe he is trying to come up with the perfect retort to both win me over again and have me spread my legs wide for him at the same time. Can a man be that charming, in spite of being a gross, dirty scoundrel? Do men really think that they just have to snap their fingers to get women to submit to their whims? Do men think that sending dick pics through IM is going to be the thing that shuts off a woman’s logical brain long enough for her to fall madly in lust with him? There is such a thing as sincere flattery that will gain you access to the doorstep of a woman’s heart (the key word is sincere, in this case). Otherwise, it amazes me that men continue to thing that women are that easily-manipulated.
Of course, I am not a cis-woman. I know that I cannot know the female brain as well as I would like to think I do. It’s not just having a modicum of shared chemicals with females that is ever going to do the trick in understanding cis-women. A woman’s lifetime of experience in our society will always be something that we crossdressers will not be able to understand (other transsexual and transgender women will understand more fully as they may live a more 24/7 female life).
Real woman cannot be that easily swayed, right? Of course, not! Unless a woman is in serious need of validation, the comments as described above should not easily work on them. I have two college degrees, have a supportive and loving partner, have made a comfortable living in the eCommerce field for over twenty years, and have written and published an award-winning book for crossdressers and their spouses. I guess I am listing my pedigree because it’s the only way I can illustrate that I am still baffled that a man would believe in his mind and heart that I would fall prey to such simple and direct sexual machinations. On behalf of all true gentlemen (yes, I am still gentlemen from time to time), I apologize to all trans- and cis-women for the bullshit that you have to sieve through in order to find someone truly worthwhile.
In conclusion, I can only hope that men will realize that the way to a woman’s heart is through her intellect. Beauty in others is not only skin deep… it goes all the way to their core. Attractiveness will eventually be forever marred by an ugly personality, while people who many may consider plain looking will become glorious goddesses because their identity is steeped in a beautiful heart and mind. In that way, people will always be beautiful.