“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.”
Have you ever heard the saying “Always wear clean underwear. You never know when you’re going to be in an accident”? I always laughed at that statement. It seemed so trivial. Of course, I would always be wearing fresh underwear for the start of every day. I always took the meaning to be that, in case of an “Oh, shit!” moment (accident, medical malady, etc.), one would want to have a fresh pair of underwear always available so they wouldn’t face the embarrassment of a soiled pair.
Why am I spending all this time talking about this old adage? Because, a male crossdressing friend of mine was experiencing chest pains the other day. Before being driven to the doctor, he changed out of the feminine panties he wears everyday into a pair of male-centric ones. While I completely understood the reasoning for the change out of the Victoria’s Secret briefs and into a pair of Fruit-of-the-Loom boxers—avoid unnecessary questions, distracted judgements, and exposure—it raised a more pressing question in my mind. Why should we be concerned with swapping underwear into another, at all?
I remember making sure that if I had a scheduled doctor’s appointment that I would be sure to wear one of the icky and coarse male-mode underwear in case the doctor or nurse might ask for me to undress for whatever medical reason they deemed fit at the time. I didn’t want to be “outed” at the doctor’s office. I didn’t want the harsh judgement from a medical professional. Their negative reaction would be more devastating because of the fact that I assumed that they understood everything about a male-to-female crossdresser and why I do what I do. If they didn’t accept me, then that meant that there was something wrong with me, right? That was old thinking, propagated by a belief that who I am was something to be ashamed of.
That’s really the issue, isn’t it? We hide who we are or want to be because of a belief that we will be judged. If we were truly confident in our identities, we wouldn’t wonder about discovery. What if someone saw our bra strap through our thin shirt or the lacy waistband of our panties when we bent down? Who cares? We are who we are… and shouldn’t feel a need to apologize for that fact.
Shame is defined as a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety. Is the act of expressing our feminine identity something to be guilty about? Is having gender duality a shortcoming? Is being a crossdresser something that is considered improper? We should never feel guilty about our crossdressing, unless we are a harm to ourselves or to others. I consider my gender duality something that expands my understanding of the world around me, not something that narrows my worldview… so, it is definitely not a shortcoming. I would argue that only the last question has relevance, but only insofar that you give credence to the opinions of those outside yourself.
So, the next time you have the statement of, “Be sure to have a clean pair of underwear,” rattling around your head, be sure to take that as an opportunity to be prepared. We all need to have a clean pair of underwear around in case of emergency. Just make sure it’s something comfortable, breathable, and silky… maybe with some lace trim.
Be proud of who you are, whatever form you take.
Clean underwear? Embarassment? At the ripe age of 69, I am more concerned whether there are skid marks in my panties. I shop for my colorful hipster panties at Macys and have worn panties 24/7 for most of 24 years, since I retired from overseas offshore oilfield diving work. I live and work ‘drab’ in the manual trades for the past 15 years, and wear black or grey panties to work in case I have a plumbers crack moment. Shaving ‘all over’ was more of a stretch, because I work in t-shirt and shorts during the warmer months in the SF Bay area, but I dared to bare it, and nobody has commented. I saw one young ‘guy’ harassesd for his pink panties, when he had a plumbers crack moment on the job site. I should have weighed in and defended the young guy. Fortunately, the shaming ‘low brow’ has moved on and doesn’t work there anymore, and the union has implemented anti harassment training and protocols for all of us.
For me, I think the problem is that I am a C.D. and not transitioning. It seems we have no friends on either side of the spectrum. My wife and I have been reading your book and have read a couple of others, and , while it is easy to say that you should feel no shame, in reality it is much different. Why expose yourself (pun intended) to the scrutiny if you have no intention of ever becoming a full time trans or CD? Is there something to gain there? I can find peace and express my female self at home and not have to deal with potential fallout. Maybe my view will change as time goes on, but that is how I chose to deal with it for now. P.S. I wear panties 24/7, but they are fairly conservative and my doctor never said anything when he saw them.
I had to attend the annual cardiology appointment the day after a weekend away. I wore panties & sheer pantyhose under trousers. I forgot that not only would they check height & weight, but perform an ECG. Which required sensors stuck on my ankles. The nurse was not phased, & I only had to loosen the trouser waistband & roll the pantyhose down for sensors to be attached at the hips. Later, on seeing the doctor, I said that I accepted the body I have, even with it’s flaws, but could not accept the male clothing I was restricted to wearing. My choice of attire was never an issue.
I just started cross-dressing for almost a month but haven’t gotten that far. I’ve only wore a crop top when i go sleep.The thing is i have no idea how to cross dress and i have no idea where to start. Should i start to wear panties under my normal underwear or should i just wear panties without my normal underwear. I don’t know im still very new at it
For your crossdressing, do what makes you feel complete and feminine.