For trying to help him in his own trans journey, I am happy to be of assistance and give details of myself. What I will not do, however, is answer questions like, “Do you wear g-strings” or “Do you have sex with your girlfriend”.
As human beings, we have an instinctual need to feel accepted. Sure, we can dress up to our hearts content behind locked doors and drawn curtains. But parading around in the home without any greater acceptance of who we are beyond ourselves is, in itself, an isolated and lonely affair.
I was probably the only crossdresser there that night, but that didn’t stop me from sliding out to the dance floor when it was still empty.
I was a New York kind of girl and had a New York state of mind (thanks to Billy Joel) for over twenty years. Unfortunately, the bright lights of the big city became too bright and too big to continue living there. Even though my entire transgender community was in and around the Big Apple, my girlfriend and I had to leave for a warmer and less expensive latitude.
Why do crossdressing men seek out other crossdressing men? Partners, please understand that if your crossdressing partner has enough confidence and courage to step outside the closest and venture outside the home, they may want to seek out others like them. The desire to find acceptance in any social setting is an inherent human trait, not just relegated to crossdressing men.
Love strikes at the most inopportune moments in life, taking you in directions you haven’t anticipated you would ever set foot on again. Love gives us acceptance by our partner as the person we truly are. Love wants us to be better for the other person, making them feel safe, wanted, important, and, above all else, loved. Hold the people that you care for in high regard, loving them unconditionally no matter what come.
What follows is the speech I wrote and used to address a gathering of supportive men and women for the Long Island Transgender Day of Remembrance at the Sayville Congregational United Church of Christ held on November 19th, 2017
A dear friend of mine, while reading Living with Crossdressing: Defining a New Normal, mentioned that she enjoyed one of the early chapters of the book that focused on the different types of crossdressers that I have come in contact with. She said that we need to find a better term to describe us. She was looking for a term that we, as a group, could be proud of. A descriptor that doesn’t drip with an air of stereotypes and taboos. A label that doesn’t strike discord in all who hear it uttered.
I received my first negative comment yesterday attached to the post of the announcement of the release of Living with Crossdressing: Defining a New Normal. This woman’s comment advised me that crossdressing was not normal, but a schizophrenia on par with pedophilia and the mind of rapists.
This story serves to illustrate that members of our community can walk into a regular diner and not be gawked at or whispered about.