I spoke to my good friend, Elizabeth, yesterday. As we were discussing politics, religion, and the state of the world and how transgender women seek relationships within it, she voiced to me her disappointment and resignation about her chances of having a healthy and long-term relationship with a loving partner.
Elizabeth is a pre-op transsexual woman (since we are always forced to add a label onto each other in order to put each of us into a nice and safe category) who feels that no one would care for her as a person. In her words, men would either be disgusted by the fact that – as a woman – she still has male parts, or only attracted to that part of her anatomy as a novelty or fetish pursuit. Lesbian women, she said, would obsess to know what Elizabeth planned for that ‘thing’ between her legs.
She regaled me with a previous conversation with a cis-woman friend. She illustrated to her genetic female friend on a piece of paper a large circle with dozens of tiny dots. That was the pool that cis-woman had for finding a partner. It was a vast ocean filled with plenty of men and women for the choosing. Then, Elizabeth drew a tiny circle within the bigger circle, adding a couple dots inside it. That, she pointed out, was the pond in which could possibly find a partner who would love her as she was. Love her not as a transgender pre-operative woman, but as a woman… as an individual.
Elizabeth is utterly devoted to her two children and still holds love in her heart (and a wedding ring on a necklace around her neck) for her former wife. She is generous with her time and possessions, taking no pause to offer you something of hers that you make a passing comment of admiration about. On my last visit alone, she gave me two blouse tops and two pair of boots. That is the type of person she is… not the trans-woman she is, but the woman she is.
Love strikes at the most inopportune moments in life, taking you in directions you hadn’t anticipated you would ever set foot on again, or even for a first time. Love gives us acceptance by our partner as the person we truly are. Love wants us to be better for the other person, making them feel safe, wanted, important, and, above all else, loved. Hold the people that you care for in high regard, loving them unconditionally no matter what come.
